This blog post was difficult to write. At first, I didn’t know why it was so hard to write. I thought writer’s block or my anxiety was just getting in the way. Writer’s block didn’t make a whole lot of sense, though, because I was able to write. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t know what to say. The problem also wasn’t anxiety. Sure, I’m stressed and literally everything makes me worry. But, writing a blog post doesn’t make me anxious. So, why was this one so hard to write? Because, I’m depressed. As much as I hate to say it, I am. I want to lose weight but I’m failing. The class I am taking right now, Psychology, bores me. I’m not taking any pictures on my beautiful camera. The books I so badly wanted to read are sitting on my nightstand collecting dust. These are just a few things bothering me right now. And, they all have easy fixes. I could go for more hikes and stop staring the scale. If I tried, I bet I could find a way to enjoy Psychology. I could pick up my camera. I could read those books. But, I haven’t. Because I just don’t care.
Many people battle with depression. I think it looks different on everyone. And, I’m not a professional. I don’t know for sure that I’m depressed. But, that’s the word I’m going to use. A part of me wanted to look for a different word, but this is the word I choose to use. I have seen a therapist and she did help me with my anxiety. Depression is sneakier, though. You have no idea you’re in it till you look around and face it. I’m sure everyone reading this has been depressed before. So many things can cause it and sometimes nothing can cause it too. I don’t know why I am depressed, but I’m going to face it. I’m going to ignore the scale and take my puppy for more walks and I’m going to bring my camera. I’m going to get through Psychology and find more time to read. Life is not easy. There are so many things that we don’t have control over. I’m going to take back some control. And, if I just lay in bed all day some days, that’s okay too. I’m giving myself permission to be sad and happy and in between. And you should too.